Why Are 5 String Basses Like Cilantro?

It's because they ruin everything! When ever I see a band with a five or six string bass player I know its going to suck. This also holds true for drummer with too many drums. It's not the number of drums and how they crowd the stage and for the bass it's not only the extra string it is also the idiot playing it. Sure that B string throws mud into the mix and fucks up speakers and amps but the main problem is the jackass playing it. Five stingers play like wimps. I've played a few 5 strings and I found that you can't really dig in and play aggressively. Hence the wimpiness and any musician who can't figure that out sucks.

James Brown told the members of his band that every instrument that they were playing was a drum. Like the guitar, and piano the bass is a percussion instrument but the five string's attack is weak and anemic like the assholes who play them.